


twinkle twinkle little star alcoholics don't get far

by MacademiaNutPie



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, HTML, I actually had to put paragraph brackets outside them so it didn't work, Identity Issues, M/M, Minecraft, Minor Injuries, Mirrors, Nosebleed, One-Sided Attraction, Panic Attacks, Pining, bedwars, the little coding part is intended to have the brackets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28917921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacademiaNutPie/pseuds/MacademiaNutPie
Summary: [Unless they drink and driveLet's go for a ride.And I hope I crash and die tonightI hope I crash and die tonight.]
Relationships: Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed & MegaPVP, Zak Ahmed/MegaPVP
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	twinkle twinkle little star alcoholics don't get far

**Author's Note:**

> He's slowly losing his mind.

Mega doesn't care. 

He doesn't care that he's the second option. He's just so glad he can see Skeppy's brown eyes light yup at the sight of him. 

"Mega! Mega! Hi!" 

It hurts. It hurts worse than the sting of cold night air onto his hands. 

He waved towards the tan man and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

He listens to the other ramble and simply nods along. Skeppy doesn't seem to care, gesturing wildly before placing a hand on Mega's shoulder. The warmth from the other's skin makes the hair on the back of Mega's neck stands up. It's not unwelcome though, and he finds it hard to stop himself from leaning more and more into the touch. He's starved of it, he wants more.

**MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE**

'Hry buddy.'

And suddendly he's back home, sitting in the racing chair at his desk and clacking away at his keyboard. He heard the little ping of a discord message being delivered and switched tabs. He saw the familiar tag and quickly typed back to Skeppy. 

'What?' He switched tabs again and kept typing. 

_ <h4> Unbans </h4> _

_ <p> If you have been banned recently from our server, there is a chance you can apply for an unban. </p> _

_ <p> Requirements </p> _

_ <ul> _

_ <li> Account name </li> _

_ <li> Reason for ban </li> _

_ <li> Why do you think you should be unmanned? </li> _

_ </ul> _

_ <p> If your application is denied, you can also purchase unbans at- _

'Do ypou wwabna rescord a virdwo witj me?'

Mega switched tabs again, typing back as quickly as he can. 

'Sure.'

He saved the document he was working on, closing the window and watching the rectangle at the bottom of his screen appear and reappear.

'Skeppy is typing…'

A little ping was heard.

'ok grt on teamspepak rn'

**_DONT DO IT DONT DO IT_ **

Mega sighed and minimized the discord chat, double clicking on the TeamSpeak logo on his taskbar and watching the white menu pop up. He muted his microphone and waited to be moved to the channel.

'User was been moved to your channel.'

There's the sound of loud clicking thats heard through the mic. 

"Oh- hey." Skeppy stopped tying and clicked on something on his desktop. "Get on Hypixel." He chuckled and hummed a small tune. 

Mega did just that, logging onto the server and typing in the party chat a quick 'hi' after he accepted Skeppy's invitation.

Skeppy yawned softly before speaking again. "I wanna play Bedwars- Do you wanna- we'll play bedwars. I'll start recording." Skeppy smiled, clicking on the 'doubles' avatar that showed up in the lobby. Mega's character showed up in the wooden structure as both waited for players to join the game.

"No one's joininggg-!" 

'its 4am why would anyone join.' Mega typed in the chat. 

"Shut up, I cant record during the day! I'm too tired." Skeppy huffed and moved his character around the structure. 

The game started and both were transported to their base. 

'Just go to sleep earlier.'

Skeppy was standing still in the generator, collecting iron and gold. "No! I can't do that, I'm already used to it. Plus! Like, almost everyone I know is awake at 12am." 

Mega watched Skeppy's character cover the bed and then immediately begin bridging to mid. 'Why would u ask me to play then?' 

It seems like a sassy remark but Mega means it. He already knows why he's the one playing with Skeppy. He's the second choice.

"Bad went to sleep an hour ago and no one else is awake at 4am except you." Skeppy said in a matter of fact tone. 

  
  


**_You're a replacement._ **

That one actually hurt. Mega freezed for a split second and his minecraft character fell down. 

_MegaPvP fell into the void._

"Oh my god- are all mutes as bad you?" Skeppy laughed and rolled his eyes. "Does not speaking also mean you're not thinking?" 

Mega rolled his eyes and began to type in the chat. It's not like he couldn't speak, he just….didn't. He could speak but he refuses to. He just can't mentally bring himself to do it.

'shut up, cunt.' 

"'Shut up, c-' I CANT PUT THAT IN THE VIDEO-!" Skeppy let out a shriek as he rapidly clicked. It took a couple more seconds for Mega to respawn. 

The rest of the game went kinda smooth. They won, even if Mega was half carrying Skeppy. He wanted to go to sleep so badly, his eyes burned and his body felt heavy. 

But he didn't.

They played another 3 games before Skeppy stopped recording. Mega felt so tired, but Skeppy wanted to keep going.

"Let's play a few more games, we're on a roll!" Mega typed a quick 'yes' in the chat. Despite how horrible he felt, he didn't dare say no to Skeppy. His arms ache but he doesn't care. The other's laughter is so addictive, so sweet and Mega's completely head over heels for it. 

He knows his efforts are worthless. He knows he'll never be more than a second choice, but he still tries. He just needs to try his best and it'll all be okay. 

It's a little more than an hour later when he hears Skeppy yawn again and stretch his arms above his head. He can hear the other's joints pop due to how close the mic is to Skeppy's face. "Mmm...I'm sleepy." Mega rolled his eyes and went to type on the chat.

'Then go to sleep.' Skeppy whined before letting out a sigh. "I will." He mumbled, yawning again.

**_HES USING YOU HES USING YOU HES USING YOU_ **

"I'm gonna go lay down, you should too." Skeppy's voice is a lot deeper, raspier from the exhaustion dripping from Skeppy's tone. 'In like an hour I will.' Skeppy let out a tiny laugh before running a hand through his hair. "Mkay…- Night, buddy." Mega smiled a bit and covered his mouth with the sleeve of his jumper despite the fact that the other couldn't see him. 

'Goodnight.' 

_User disconnected from your channel._

Mega let out a heavy sigh and disconnected from the channel, quickly shutting off his computer and kicking at the ground so that his chair would glide over the ground and he could jump out. Mega simply layed down on his bed, letting a tiny whimper escape his mouth and be muffled by his pillow. 

_No matter how hard he tries._

_No matter how hard he tries, he'll never be more than the second choice. He'll never be 'the only one awake.'_

_But he can deal with that, right? He can do it._

_He can do it._

_Just for Skeppy_ **_._ **

That's a lie.

**_ITS NOT YOU ITS NOT YOU ITS NOT YOU_ **

But he cant afford to care.

The boy stands in front of a mirror, wearing a black and red hoodie. The sleeves are rolled up and he's staring straight at himself in the mirror. 

_Snip_

He's so tired.

_Snip_

Of being himself.

_Snip_

Of not being enough.

_Snip._

Of not being the **favourite.**

_SNIP_

Locks of curly brown hair pooled around the bathroom countertop and Mega's sight is getting blurry due to the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. It hurts. It hurts so much to see the chocolate coloured locks that one bounced with every movement he made on the countertop.

**_DONT LEAVE ME DONT LEAVE ME DONT LEAVE ME_ **

He slowly raised his head and stared at himself in the mirror. It hurts. He hates how he looks. His hair, which once bounced up and down hoveried one or two inches right above his shoulders, now barely reached below his ear. He set down the scissors and grabbed a brush, brushing out his hair before teasing the tips. He set down the brush and ruffled his hair. He didn't bother to brush it out of his eyes.

He let out a hiccup and gulped. His breathing picked up and he brought his hands up to his chest. His eyes widened and he backed up, hitting his head against the wall. He repeated the motion.

Again.

And again. 

And again. 

The last slam drew a sob from him as blood began to drip from his nose. He kept staring at the mirror, letting blood drip down and stain the checkerboard bandana that was tied around his neck instead of the soft, lime green hand knitted scarf that was usually around his neck. 

**_I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH_ **

He just can't anymore..

He balled up his fists, reaching around him for a random object and landed on a glass bottle of perfume. 

The bottle was slammed against the mirror, sending shards of glass flying. Mega could see himself in the broken pieces of the mirror. He could see the way his eyes puffed up from crying. He could see the eyeliner stained tears that ran down his cheeks and the way his hands trembled after dropping the bottle.

He fell back a bit, slamming his back into the wall before sliding down, bringing his knees up to his chest before resting his head against his legs.

He hates this.

He hates _himself._

He just wants to be better.

Be kinder.

Be _'the best._

He wants to be Bad.

**Author's Note:**

> awooga bumi u might like this


End file.
